A Plant Stays After the Flowers Have Gone
A sympathy plant — most often a peace lily or a white phalaenopsis orchid — is a living gift that keeps flowering in the family's home for weeks, while cut flowers last days. Choose a plant when you want your care to stay present after the first, busiest week of grief. Choose cut flowers when the gift is going to a service, or when the household has no room or energy for anything that needs looking after. In Larchmont and across Westchester, The Flower Bar sends both, and this guide is about knowing which one fits.
The first days after a death are crowded. Cards, calls, food and flowers arrive at once, and most of the cut arrangements fade around the same time. A plant arrives into the same moment but stays on after it, which is why so many people choose one when they want to say "we haven't forgotten." You'll find peace lilies and orchids alongside our cut tributes in our sympathy flowers for delivery in Westchester.
Peace Lilies, Orchids and Other Sympathy Plants
Not every houseplant reads as sympathy. The plants that suit the moment are quiet, mostly white and green, and easy to keep alive in an ordinary home.
Peace lily
The peace lily is the most traditional sympathy plant, and its look explains why: deep green leaves and clean white blooms. It is not a true lily — it is Spathiphyllum, a tropical houseplant. According to NC State Extension's plant toolbox, its white blooms turn pale green after about 10 days and then remain attractive for at least another month. It prefers partial to deep shade rather than direct sun, which suits most living rooms.
Our Peace Lily in White comes in medium, large and extra-large sizes, in a ceramic pot or a designer basket. For a fuller gesture, the Peace Lily Garden pairs two plants in a white ceramic oblong pot.
White phalaenopsis orchid
The phalaenopsis, or moth orchid, is the more architectural choice: arching stems of white flowers above a few broad leaves. It is easier than its reputation. The University of Maryland Extension notes that its flowers "can last for at least a month or longer" with proper care, that it does well in indirect light from an east or west window, and that it usually needs water no more than once a week.
A single phalaenopsis orchid in a white ceramic pot suits a kitchen counter or a bedside. The double phalaenopsis orchids carry more presence, and the larger multi-orchid designs in our sympathy collection are made for an entry hall or a large living room.
Other green plants
Succulent gardens and leafy green plants are sometimes sent as sympathy gifts too, especially to a close friend who you know loves plants. They are less traditional than a peace lily or orchid, so they work best when you know the person well.
When a Plant Is the Better Choice — and When Cut Flowers Are
Neither gift is more correct. They do different jobs, and the right one depends on where it's going and who will receive it.
A plant is usually the better choice when:
- It is going to the family's home, not to the service.
- You are sending a week or more after the funeral, when the first wave of flowers has passed.
- The person who died loved gardening, or the recipient keeps plants.
- You want something that will still be there in a month.
Cut flowers are usually the better choice when:
- The gift is for the funeral service itself, where a standing spray, wreath or urn arrangement has the scale to be seen across a room.
- The household is already stretched. Even an easy plant asks for watering; a vase arrangement needs little more than a top-up of water.
- The recipient lives in a small apartment, travels often, or is moving soon.
If you can't decide, sending to the home is the safer default for a plant, and our guide on what each sympathy flower means can help you choose cut flowers for the service.
Pets in the Home: A Detail Worth Checking
This is the practical question people rarely think to ask. The ASPCA lists the peace lily as toxic to dogs and cats: it contains insoluble calcium oxalates, which cause mouth irritation, drooling and vomiting if chewed. Moth orchids, by contrast, appear on Clemson Cooperative Extension's list of non-toxic houseplants safe for pets.
So if you know the family has a curious cat or a young dog, a white orchid is the kinder choice. If you aren't sure, it's worth asking someone close to the family before you order.
Etiquette Notes: Funeral Homes, Shiva and "In Lieu of Flowers"
A plant follows the same etiquette as any floral gift, with a few points worth knowing.
At a funeral home. A plant can be sent to a service, but it is smaller than a standing tribute and will read more quietly in a large room. Many people send the formal tribute to the service and a plant to the home. Our guide to sending flowers to a funeral home or shiva walks through both.
At a shiva. In traditional Jewish mourning, sending flowers is, in the words of My Jewish Learning, "not a customary practice." Food for the family and a charitable donation in the person's memory are the traditional gestures. We would treat a plant the same way as flowers here: a living plant is still a floral gift. Customs vary by family and level of observance, and a plant sent to the home after the shiva period can be a welcome sign of continued care. When in doubt, ask someone close to the family.
"In lieu of flowers." When an obituary asks for donations instead, follow the family's wishes. That request applies to plants as well.
What to Write on the Card
A plant gives you a little more room in the message, because it will be around for a while. Something as plain as "Thinking of you this month and every month after" fits it well. We handwrite the card message for every order. For more ideas, see our guide to what to write in a sympathy card.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best plant to send for sympathy?
The peace lily and the white phalaenopsis orchid are the two most traditional sympathy plants. Both are white and green, calm in tone, and easy to care for in an ordinary home. If the family has cats or dogs, choose the orchid, since the ASPCA lists the peace lily as toxic to pets.
Is it better to send a plant or flowers when someone dies?
Send cut flowers when the gift is for the funeral service, and a plant when it is going to the family's home or arriving a week or more later. A plant stays present for weeks; cut flowers make the stronger immediate impression in a large room.
How long does a peace lily or orchid last?
Both are long-lived houseplants. A moth orchid's flowers can last a month or longer with proper care, according to the University of Maryland Extension, and a peace lily's white blooms stay attractive for well over a month, according to NC State Extension. Both are perennial houseplants that keep growing after the first bloom fades.
Can you send a plant to a shiva?
In traditional Jewish mourning, flowers and plants are not customary at a shiva; food and charitable donations are the usual gestures. Some less traditional families welcome them, and a plant sent after the shiva period is often appreciated. If you're unsure, ask someone close to the family.
Can The Flower Bar deliver a sympathy plant the same day?
Yes. Orders placed before 3:00 PM Monday through Saturday can be delivered the same day across Westchester County, lower Fairfield County and New York City. The Flower Bar is at 11 Addison Street, Larchmont, NY 10538, open Monday through Saturday from 9 AM to 5 PM. Call (914) 834-4900 if you'd like help choosing.
Sending a Sympathy Plant in Larchmont and Westchester
A peace lily or orchid is a way of staying with someone after the first week has passed. It asks little of the family and keeps flowering long after the cut arrangements have gone. The Flower Bar in Larchmont prepares sympathy plants and tributes for families across Westchester County, from Mamaroneck and Rye to Scarsdale and New Rochelle.
When you're ready, browse our sympathy plants and tributes, or call us at (914) 834-4900 to talk it through with someone on our team.
Leave a comment